For me actually, dance has always been this, a moving meditation. When I am dancing I am in my spirit, it has perpetually been the safest and most euphoric space that I have ever inhabited.
My childhood was very troubled indeed. I was incredibly lonely, as an only child. My inner world was the only world that I could relate to or fit in. Although, I never felt alone in that world and yet, I don’t remember actually seeing anyone, I knew this world was shared, spirit energy was my company, my solace and my protector. This was a world in which I grew in spirit, this, is where I learned a different, voiceless communication with the outside world. That was dance as I know it. Soon I realised that I could evoke emotional responses from people when I danced. They did not see me, or so I believed, I thought, they saw the dance. I did not dance, I was danced. I cannot compare anything else to the freedom felt, by me in the flight of dance.
Music was the transporter, the protagonist, the player to my heart. It still is but as I have become more finely tuned, I can hear music in silence, just as I can move in stillness.
After dancing, choreographing and teaching, for more than 30 years, my whole life! I found yoga. The first time I tried a yoga class it was challenging because I felt the ‘form’ lacked creative expression. Then, I found my teacher Sarah Litton. She inspired me, she fuelled my fire and curiosity to find out more. I studied with The British Wheel of Yoga for nearly 4 years. I concentrated on learning the scriptures, books, theory, culturalism, religion, spirituality, anatomy and physiology. I was departing from my dance career (not entirely but mostly). I struggled here, I was scared that I would have to make a choice between dance and yoga, obviously I was now a, let’s say, mature dancer in the physical sense. Although, I must say that having danced my way on many boards of many stages, venues and sites I was more than fulfilled as a dancer. However, I did not want to abandon it because dance was my best and most loyal friend, it never left me, how could I dream of divorcing myself of it. And just right now, as I pen these thoughts and memories, I am emotional. Listening to David Darling 8-Strings, deeply beautifully, emotive, I am full. I smile that kind of smile that rises within you from only a truly genuine source. My feet tingle, I can literally feel the movement, slowly surging up my legs as I sit here, in front of my computer.
My heart swelling with every stroke of the cello bow, resonating something, I’m not sure what though.
Could it be our tormenting collective pain? From protagonist to alchemist. Poison into medicine, I journey to move that potential grief. Move life, into joy, what is the other option but, to die.
And then the smile, passes through the discomfort in my throat, awkwardly but determined, pushing by, the smile rises because I am glad to be alive.
Gratitude permeates within. Blessed gift of the spirit dancing.
I rain drops from the corners of my eyes, just enough to cool off the yang of emotion
To bring in, the ying, soft, strong, intuitive women, I am one.
My sigh is full, deep and over whelming. Chest lifts exports a load then to import a smile. I’m carried away, upon my smile, because now know.
What is it that I now know? Well for me, there is no dividing line between what moves the spirit and that which spirit moves. So my dilemma needn’t have kept me awake at night, worrying about impossibilities. Me my spirit and I, including the dance of course we are in union. Yoga is union. Yoga is the spirit awakening, dancing, moving, pulsating, breathing, warming, challenging, full of peace, a birth and death, a life all in one breath, one immeasurable moment. Dance? Exactly the same, just by a different name.
Amanda S Evans